Satbir Singh
Grudges are feelings of anger or dislike towards somebody because that person had done something annoying or unpleasant in the past, and you want equivalent retaliation to teach him a lesson.
Holding a grudge is when you harbour anger, bitterness or other negative feelings long after someone has done something to hurt you. It happens when you cannot let go of feelings of anger or resentment towards someone who wronged you. Grudges reflect the human urge to regain control and demonstrate power.
It is normal for human beings to hold grudges but holding grudges for too long can be unhealthy in the long term. Holding onto grudges can be detrimental to one’s emotional well being and relationship. It is natural to feel hurt or upset by someone’s action but carrying a grudge for an extended period of time can prevent personal growth and health.
Studies reveal that medical conditions like migraines, stomach ulcer, anxiety disorders, depressions, high blood pressure , headache , heart attacks may result from long term grudges. People most likely to hold grudges are those with a negative approach to life and hold on to emotions like envy, jealousy , anger etc. Living in a Chronic State of tension disables your body`s repair mechanism, increases inflammation and release of stress hormone cortisol in the body . It affects everything from your sleeping patterns, appetite and sex drive.
Letting go of grudges and bitterness can make way for improved health and peace of mind .Forgiveness can lead to healthier relationship, improved mental health. Forgiveness is the sweetest revenge. Forgive all who have offended you not for them, but for yourself .The weak can never forgive. Forgiveness is the attribute of the strong. Forgiveness requires empathy, understanding and ability to let go of anger and resentment which some may mistakenly equate with being passive or vulnerable .However in reality it can be a powerful and courageous choice that promotes healing , inner peace and healthy relationships.
I know a lot of people who do not want to let go of the burden of grudges and feel happy and satisfied in finding fault in everything and everybody . They are always under the influence of negativity due to their mindset. These persons are physically as well as mentally sick and suffer from one disease and the other. Their intelligence level is also low and could not be able to think big and constructive .They remain involved in their disputes with family , friends, relatives, colleagues and never came out of those meagre issues. The author of the best selling book ` the power of positive thinking` and famous American Protestant clergyman Norman Vincent Peale says resentment and grudges do not harm the person against whom you hold the feelings but everyday and every night of your life they are eating at you. Swami Vivekananda, the famous philosopher, spiritual leader and social reformer once said, ” The man who gives way to anger or hatred or any other passion cannot work, he only breaks himself into pieces and does nothing practical . It is the calm , forgiving, equable, well balanced mind that does the greatest amount of work.”
Major religions of the world also preach to forgive and not to hold any type of grudges for others. According to Buddhism we often hold grudges because we don’t want to let the other person off the hook. But who’s really hooked: the one who’s moved on or the one who’s holding on. Lord Budha once said `Forgive others not because they deserve forgiveness but you deserve peace. Holding on to grudges only hurts you not them, move on in your life without unnecessary burden. Holy Bhagwat Gita Says “Grudges , anger leads to clouding of Judgement which results in bewilderment of the memory. When memory is bewildered the intellect gets destroyed; and when the intellect is destroyed , one is destroyed .Guru Nanak Dev ji Says in Sri Guru Granth Sahib “Don’t hold grudges with anyone else look within yourself instead, be humble in this world and by HIS grace you shall be carried across”. Bhagat Fareed ji says in Sri Guru Granth Sahib Ang (1381) “Farida Bure Da Bhala Kar Gussa Man Na Handhai,Dehi Rog Na Lagai Palai Sab Kuchh Paye ”. Answer evil with Goodness , don’t fill your mind with anger . Your body shall suffer not from any disease and you shall obtain everything.
The essence of the story can be summed up with beautiful and precious lyrics written by legendary poet Mirza Ghalib.
Kuch iss tarah mene zindagi ko aasaan kar liya
Kisi se maafi maang li , kissi ko maaf kar diya.
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